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Trend of Alcohol Consumption Among Australian People: Essay Assessment Answer

Topic : Is alcohol consumption increasing or decreasing among Australian youth?

The structure of the Research essay review will be as follows

  • Introduction
  • 2 well developed body paragraphs
  • Conclusion
  • Reference List

The research report should be 800-1000 words in length, excluding the reference list.

Introduction
20%
Background, Definition (optional)
Previous research
Significance
Thesis
Outline


Introduction is:

        NOT on topic
                  OR
        NOT written


Incomplete introduction on the allocated research question (on topic)  because of:

          missing stages
                     OR
          less than 150 words


Introduction on the allocated research question (on topic) including:

 all relevant stages with well written 
                   AND
 minimum 150 words

Body Paragraph 1
20%
Topic sentence
Supporting sentences
Concluding sentence
 
Body paragraph is:

      NOT on topic
                 OR
      NOT written                                                                    
Partial body paragraph on the allocated research question (on topic) but missing:

any stages
       OR
less than 250 words 

Completed body paragraph on the allocated research question (on topic) including:

all relevant stages well written
                    AND
minimum 250 words
               
Incorporating sources
20%
 
No evidence used to support ideas.

Sources selected relevant to the topic but there may be unsubstantiated claims with:

       sources not incorporated well
                       OR
       citations are not written well
Academic sources selected relevant to the topic including:

          sources incorporated well
                    AND
        citations written correctly
 

Language expression
20%

Many errors hinder comprehension.

Errors hinder comprehension to some extent in:

      sentence structure
                     OR
     vocabulary choice
 
Minimal errors. Errors do not hinder comprehension in:

           sentence structure
                    AND
           vocabulary choice
 


Overall effort
20%

Research essay is off topic
           OR
Minimal or no effort is made
Some effort but more required for a satisfactory draft submission.
Research question addressed but: 
              
       better structure needed 
                       OR
       more support required from 
       sources (with in text citations) 

Generally, good effort made for introduction & body paragraph 1
 Research question answered with: 

          correct structure 
         AND
          adequate support (from in-text  
          citations)

                                                                                                                                                      

Answer

“Is Alcohol Consumption increasing or decreasing amongst Australian youth?”

Alcohol consumption among people has always been a major issue for a country. This essay is about the trend of alcohol consumption among the Australian people. In this regard, it should be mentioned that everyone has a tendency to blame the Generation for any kind of wrong happening. Completely opposing this statement, the drinking culture of the Australian youth, has created a unique identity.

The Alcohol consumption rate among the young and teenagers is decreased significantly where it is same or increases in the case of the elders in Australia. 

As per the report publishes in The Conversation (2018), it is stated that the teenagers in Australia are drinking significantly less than the elders. It has been horst first noticed in the year 2015. After that, this ratio continued with the flow of time. According to the study, the use of alcohol among adolescents (average age of 14) in the past months was 45% in the year 1999 (The Conversation, 2018). It decreased at a significant rate, to 25% in the year 2015. Again, as per the survey of National Drug Strategy Household, the drinking habit of the teenage, ageing 12 years to 17 years, in the year 2016, is abstaining from the alcohol day-by-day. In this regard, it should be mentioned here that, it did not only increase, but it has also been maintaining this decrement with the flow of time (Pennay et al. 2015). Not only in Australia, the other countries of high income, are also being listed in this trend. Again, the decrement of the rate of alcohol consumption among young adults (ageing 18 to 24), is 15% from the year 2001 to 2016 (The Conversation, 2018). In this regard, it can be stated that teenagers and young people are more likely to adopt the trend of decreasing alcohol consumption than the previous generation or the elders. On the other hand, among the older people in Australia, over the last 30 years, there is no such evidence showing any decline in the trend of alcohol consumption, rather a slight increment is there too in this respect. As per the case of the elder women in Australia is concerned, there is as well, it shows an increment of the rate. According to the report, the elder women of about 50 years are increasing their drinking habit of a sheer risky level in the long term, than the younger girls (Pennay et al. 2018). With the help of the report of another two surveys, the picture can be more clearly presented here. One report shows that significantly heavy episodic drinking habit among the people ageing between 30 years and 59 years has been increased and the other report shows that 40% of the requirement for the ambulance assistance is due to alcohol consumption (The Conversation, 2018). It is an undeniable fact that the “safe” drinking trend among the Australian people is the main reason behind this decreasing use of alcohol. Again, the economic and the social aspect of the country are also playing a significant role in this regard. 

Although it has been argued by many that the rate of alcohol is higher among the Australian youth 2014 onwards, however, it cannot be estimated with an exact ratio that the appropriate reasons of intake within some of the youth. Laslett et al. (2015) stated that the increased cost of alcohol in Australian community had enforced some age group of people to reduce the number of intake on a regular basis. In fact, the authors in their Foundation for Alcohol Research and Education has introduced that the tax system within the Australian Government is incoherent. That means the tax policies applied on the Alcohol lead to reduce the alcohol; however; it has increased the number of low and cheap alcohol type drink that is Beer among the Youth. Beside, Mattick et al. (2018) argued that alcohol usage by the support and assistance of the parents are more harmful to having long-term addictions and health issues among the Australian youths. This has been evidenced based on investigation and group of study research method that had encountered some fundamental information in relation to the alcohol intake habit among the Australian youth. The report exposed that nearly the age group of Nine to Twelve years teenagers or in between Eight to Seventeenth years of the age group of students consume about 95% by parental supply. In that regard, this intake habit has increased up to the age group of twenty to thirty years old. On the contrary, Johnson (2018) in his Annual poll report stated that most of the Australians are against alcohol consumption among the youth of Australia in different ways. Based on the poll, around 67% of Australian has placed a verdict against alcohol advertisement on television with the time frame of 8.30 pm. In addition, about 52% of Australians believe that there should be no alcohol sponsorship at sporting events. This might be another possible way of reducing alcohol consumption. Apart from this, an approximate of 47% Australians think that if the tax rate increased by the Australian Government, then it can be the hard way of controlling the intake as well. On the other hand, based on an argument studied from an online article (Mercer 2018) it has been perceived that the alcohol consumption rate has gone down by 2018 due to various reasons. According to a Small Craft Brewers, beer has natural ingredients that give quality drinking opportunity to most of the youth of Australia. In that case, if the teen of Australia takes beer in place of direct alcohol, then it can be less harmful gradually. Other than this, the article states that most of the youth think that having two beers for the passing of time or during the sports events can be better than alcohol (Mercer 2018). 

Therefore, based on the arguments above, it can be concluded that the number of alcohol has reduced among the youth due to the changing taste of youth getting influenced by a quality drink that is beer instead of alcohol. Further, it can also be due to the tightening of law against alcohol intake among Australian youth. However, it can be suggested that individual initiatives need to be practised for reducing the rate of alcohol consumption rate even lower than the current situation.

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Reseearch essay Argum 1O12345
 Criteria 1  
Relevance to Task   15%

Research essay addresses the question.
Development of main ideas is cohesive and coherent with academic support




Academic writing style is used: formal, non-colloquial, academic expression 
-no clichés or expressions characteristic of spoken language 
- hedging used where appropriate.
Cohesion (micro) achieved through the use of key words / use of pronouns / transition signals/ logical organization of ideas.
Coherence (macro) is established-the connection and organisation of the text to create unity.      
Sources are synthesised well & paraphrasing is done well with academic support.
Word length achieved 800-1000. 



ALL must be present

Response is completely off topic.

Incorrect structure for this genre.

Academic writing conventions not adhered to.

No submission

















 


Response only partly covers the key topic areas.
Main ideas are insufficient or must be inferred through support. Support for ideas is limited or non-existent.



Informal style characteristic of spoken, personal language. Non-adherence to academic writing rules.










No synthesis of sources and text is not paraphrased well.
Word length is not adhered to.
Response is mostly relevant with some lapses. Demonstrates a limited understanding of the fundamental aspects of the topic.
Presents several main ideas, but they are not fully developed. Support is limited in places.
Some informal style, more characteristic of spoken, personal language. Some errors in academic writing style (some non- adherence to academic writing rules).








Little synthesis of sources with poor paraphrasing of information. 
Word length is not adhered to.
Response is generally relevant with occasional minor lapses. Demonstrates a substantial understanding of the topic.
Presents several main ideas with adequate development. Support is simple but sufficient.

Generally, formal style, basic academic writing style (with some minor errors in academic writing rules).












Generally, good synthesis of information from sources & information is paraphrased well.  
Generally, correct word length adhered to.
Response is relevant & demonstrates originality and some insight into the genre & topic.
Presents plentiful relevant main ideas. Support is extensive and well developed



Formal style evident throughout the text. Academic writing style applied in most instances.












Information from sources is synthesized and paraphrased well. 
Correct word length adhered to.
Response is completely relevant & demonstrates considerable originality and insight into the genre & topic.
Presents and critically engages with plentiful relevant main ideas. Support is extensive, varied and well developed.
Formal style expertly maintained across the text. Academic writing style consistently adhered to.












Information from sources expertly synthesized with effective paraphrasing of information.
Correct word length adhered to.
Criteria  2. 
Introduction    10%
Background- briefly introduces the topic and previous research referred to and significance noted.


Thesis clearly communicates position and outline concisely previews the 2 argument.

Information paraphrased well.

Correct structure not achieved.





Many stages may be missing with no / little logical organisation of ideas.




Some stages may be missing, or unclear. Little attempt to organise information into a coherent paragraph.

No thesis statement or missing outline statement.


Not paraphrased well

Most stages are present, but some elements are not clearly expressed or sufficient. Organisation of ideas is mostly logical
Thesis may be weak and outline statement may be unclear.

Needs better paraphrasing of information from sources.

All stages are present and generally clearly expressed. Organisation of ideas is logical.

Generally, well written thesis and outline statement stating 2 arguments.  

Better paraphrasing required of information from sources.

All stages are present   and sufficiently developed to answer the question. Organisation of ideas develops logically.
Well written thesis and outline statements stating 2 relevant arguments.

Very good paraphrasing of information from sources.
All stages are present and well developed. Organisation of ideas develops logically and flows seamlessly.

Clearly expressed and well written thesis and outline statements stating 2 relevant arguments using sophisticated language.
Effective paraphrasing of information from sources.
Criteria 3 
Body Argument 1  10%
Effective Paragraph structure: the topic sentence ties argument to the thesis statement.
Supporting sentences provide supporting evidence and examples develop the argument logically.

Concluding sentence reinforces the thesis statement and summarises the key points of the argument.

Good readability of information and paragraph unity is good.
Information paraphrased effectively. 

Correct structure not achieved.

Many stages may be missing with no / little logical organisation of ideas or incorrect text type written.

No body paragraph 1.

  
Unsatisfactory paragraph structure as some stages may be missing or unclear in meaning.
Topic sentence needed. 

Some supporting sentences are irrelevant.

The organization of ideas do not flow logically, and the argument is vague, unclear and not sufficiently logical.


Argument not paraphrased well.  
Paragraph structure needs work but all stages are present, but some elements may be missing.
A more relevant topic sentence is needed. Most supporting sentences are relevant to the argument.
Main points are simple and clear but may need more coherent justification. Organisation is mostly logical, but the arguments are difficult to follow.
Needs better paraphrasing of information from sources.
Good paragraph structure with all stages present although key elements may be brief.
Topic sentence ties argument to thesis. Supporting sentences are relevant to the argument.
The main points are simple and clear with coherent justification.  Organisation is completely logical but simple and the arguments are easy to follow.
Paraphrasing of information from sources is generally well done.
Very good paragraph structure as all stages are present and sufficiently developed to answer the question.
Topic sentence is well written and ties the argument to the thesis with relevant supporting sentences.
Organisation develops logically and paragraphs flow well. Main points are well considered with considerable justification.
Very good paraphrasing of information from sources.
Expert paragraph structure as all stages are present and well developed.
Topic sentence is well written and ties the argument to the thesis with ideas clearly expressed and supported in supporting sentences.
Organisation develops logically and paragraphs flow seamlessly, and the main points are well considered with appropriate justification using sophisticated language.
Effective paraphrasing  
Criteria 4
Body Argument 2  10%
Effective Paragraph structure: the topic sentence ties argument to the thesis statement.

Supporting sentences provide supporting evidence and examples develop the argument logically


Concluding sentence reinforces the thesis statement and summarises the key points of the argument.
Good readability of information and paragraph unity is good.
Well paraphrased information.
Correct structure not achieved.

Many stages may be missing with no / little logical organisation of ideas or incorrect text type written.

No body paragraph 2.

 




 Unsatisfactory paragraph structure as some stages may be missing or unclear in meaning.
Topic sentence needed.
Some supporting sentences are irrelevant.


The organization of ideas do not flow logically, and the argument is vague, unclear and not sufficiently logical.

Argument not paraphrased well.  
 Paragraph structure needs work but all stages are present, but some elements may be missing.
A more relevant topic sentence is needed. Most supporting sentences are relevant to the argument.
Main points are simple and clear but may need more coherent justification. Organisation is mostly logical, but the arguments are difficult to follow.
Needs better paraphrasing of information from sources.
 Good paragraph structure with all stages present although key elements may be brief.
Topic sentence ties argument to thesis. Supporting sentences are relevant to the argument.
The main points are simple and clear with coherent justification.  Organisation is completely logical but simple and the arguments are easy to follow.
Paraphrasing of information from sources is generally well done.
 Very good paragraph structure as all stages are present and sufficiently developed to answer the question.
Topic sentence is well written and ties the argument to the thesis with relevant supporting sentences.
Organisation develops logically and paragraphs flow well. Main points are well considered with considerable justification.
Very good paraphrasing of information from sources.
 Expert paragraph structure as all stages are present and well developed.
Topic sentence is well written and ties the argument to the thesis with ideas clearly expressed and supported in supporting sentences.
Organisation develops logically and paragraphs flow seamlessly, and the main points are well considered with appropriate justification using sophisticated language.
Effective paraphrasing
Criteria 5.  
Conclusion     5%
All stages for the conclusion present.  
Thesis restated concisely. Main ideas are summarised coherently.
Relevant recommendation given.

No new information is introduced.

Information paraphrased well.


There is no logical organisation of ideas.

Conclusion structure is not achieved.



No conclusion

Some stages may be missing or unclear.
Thesis is not restated.
Summation of main points is weak or lacking.
Recommendation is missing.

New information introduced.

Information is not paraphrased well.
All stages are present but some elements, are not well written.
Thesis not restated well.
Summation of main points is brief.
Recommendation present but not clearly expressed.
Some new information may be introduced.

Needs better paraphrasing. 
All stages are present and generally well written.
Thesis is restated briefly but is clear. Basic but effective summation of main points.
Recommendation is relevant. 
No new information introduced.

Generally paraphrasing 
is done well.

All stages are present and well written.
Thesis restated well. Effective summary of main points.

Recommendation stated well.

No new information is introduced.

Very good paraphrasing.

All stages are present and expertly written.
Excellent summary of thesis argument with concluding ideas.

Effective recommendation stated well.
No new information is introduced.
 
Effective paraphrasing of information.  
Criteria 6
Grammar- range  10%
Proper sentence construction demonstrates variety of sentences (simple, compound, complex with no fragments or run-ons.)


Poor sentence structure which impedes clarity of the ideas.



Many grammar errors make the writing difficult to understand or the writer does not paraphrase well.








Limited range of sentence structures used. Uses simple structures and some may be overused. Occasionally attempts complex structures.

Frequent run-ons and fragments.


Errors in sentence structure are frequent enough to be a major distraction to readers.





Uses a range of simple sentence structures. Attempts a limited range of complex structures and some may be overused.


There may be some run-ons and fragments.

Some sentences are awkwardly constructed so that the meaning is somewhat affected and the reader is occasionally distracted.

Uses a range of simple & complex sentence structure mostly accurately. Errors are mostly limited to complex structures.


Some run- on sentences but fragments are rare.

Generally, the meaning is clear.




 

Uses simple and complex sentence structures generally accurately. Most sentences are error free.


Fragments and run-ons are rare.


The meaning is clear